If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
