Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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