no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
