Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
