sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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