i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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