u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
