We're facebook friends in real life
there was a trapeze. enough said
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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