Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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