it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
