It's Friday. Sex?
he fucked my hip out of place.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
