I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
