You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
