Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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