I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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