first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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