i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
