I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
