So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
