i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
