you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You dont lie about slip and slides
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
