Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Still dying that you shit outside
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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