walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
