who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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