what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
