Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
