HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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