They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
