the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
