We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
