i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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