moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
