I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
