I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
