i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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