after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You ate ashes out of my bong
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
