Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i just google imaged poop.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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