you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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