Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
