what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
