You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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