My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You smell like stripper and shame
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
