Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
