Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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