i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
