gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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