Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
how drunk are you?
Several
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
