My Higher Power is John Stamos
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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