Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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