Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
