And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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