I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
