My first STD was from a foam party
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
