Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
