His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
