I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
