so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
