All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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