Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
