I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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