But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
