Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
